Happiness Points: #110-116
Sunday, April 11, 2021
Peace to Live By Happiness Points: #110-116 - Daniel Litton
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[Transcript may not match broadcasted sermon word for word]
Happiness Point #110: Tomorrow You’ll Feel Like It
I think we’ve all had the feeling say, on the afternoon before we are to return to work, that feeling where we think, “I really don’t want to go back to work tomorrow.” Yes, even though we still have much of our day off left, we are already looking into tomorrow. This is problematic for a couple of reasons. First, Jesus told us we aren’t supposed to be worrying about the troubles of tomorrow. So, when we are thinking like this, we aren’t being true to what he taught us in Matthew 6. Second, this is bad because it is assuming that when tomorrow morning comes, we won’t feel like going into work. However, we all know that usually when that time comes, we do indeed feel like working.
Why is it so that the mind lies to us, tries to get us to think that we won’t feel like doing something when we really will? Well, I think it’s a difference in the fluctuation of our happiness level. I mean, when we are on our day off, we are at a higher happiness level typically than when we are about to go into work. We want that higher level to continue. But, the mind tries to convince us that tomorrow morning we will have no happiness at all—that all the happiness will be gone when we wake up. However, we know that’s not the case when tomorrow comes. Nevertheless, there is still that temptation to buy into the lie every week that our brains tell us this.
The beautiful thing is, is that when our minds start to try to start up this conversation, we can remind ourselves that it isn’t telling the truth. We can remember that, even they we may not feel like we want to go to work tomorrow, that when tomorrow comes, we then will in fact feel like it. God gives us his grace one day at a time. We have what we need for today, and not yet for tomorrow. That’s why when we wake up tomorrow morning, we will suddenly have the energy to go about that day. But right now, we don’t have it. So it is futile to even try to think about tomorrow with our energy that is supposed to be used for thinking about today.
Happiness Point #111: It’s a Good Sign When Others Have What We Want
As we go about our lives, we are going to notice that others have a lot of nice things. Some of these things are actually what we would like in our own lives. Sometimes people can even be threatened by seeing others who have the things they want, but yet don’t have. There can be the prevailing belief that because others have it, that means they cannot. There can be a self-pity that sets in where people feel that they will never have what they want. They can say to themselves, “Everyone else has what they want, but I do not. I’ll never have what I want.” So, everyone else is seen as happy, living in a perfect world. And yet, they see themselves as not only lacking in what they want, but also not even able to obtain it.
Let’s consider this position. I mean, think about it. The truth is, we are all human. We all share that in common. And generally, we are comparing ourselves with people who are similar to us. If that is the case, then what makes others think they cannot have what others’ have? It’s actually the opposite. The mere fact that others have achieved good things, that means we can in fact achieve good things. That can go for making some kind of purchase, of getting some kind of job, or even perhaps getting married someday. It’s not that others are special and others are not. Seeing others’ good accomplishments should be an indicator that we are capable of good accomplishments ourselves in the future. It should not be the opposite.
So, remember that the success of others is a good indicator that we ourselves can succeed. It could be that we lack in a certain area of what we are doing to accomplish our goal, and we may need to make improvements or adjustments in trying to seek it. Like for instance, if you’re looking for a mate, are you putting yourself in places where that is more likely to happen? Or, it could be that we just need to be more patient and wait things out until opportunity is on our side. But, the mere fact that others have had success in areas we want to have success in means that we too can have success. It’s not an indicator that we can’t, but that we can. They too are human with flaws just like we are. Let this realization increase your happiness anytime you're feeling down and out about the success of others.
And, one more thing on this subject. The best thing to do is to take this one step further in that you feel happy for others who have already obtained what you desire to obtain. Instead of hanging your head or getting jealous, you can do the opposite. Embracing what others have and being happy about that can indeed make us happier. This is because we are no longer seeing the fact that they have what we want as a threat, but rather we are seeing it as 1) something good, and 2) something we also can have in the future. When you’re on social media then and you see that picture of the engagement ring or pictures from somebody’s wedding, don’t pass over them and get upset. Rather, hit that like button and leave a friendly comment, congratulating them genuinely on their new accomplishment. Remember, someday someone will be doing that for you.
Happiness Point #112: Read Your Devotions Out Loud
Sometimes when we wake up in the morning, we are either too tired to focus on our devotional time that we need to do, or we are in fact unable to focus our thoughts because we thinking about other things, like an ongoing problem, the upcoming day, or some random thing someone did against us. Well, there is one thing we can do that I have found to be particularly handy when we are having trouble focusing on our devotional time. And what that is is simply to put our mouths to work. What do you mean by that—putting our mouths to work? Well, simply, we can just read out loud whatever it is that we are wanting to go over. This kind of forces focus for us if you will.
I don’t know how many times this tactic has worked for me, and it has truly been such a beneficial and simple thing that I’ve been implementing. There are so many times that I’ve tried to read and just couldn’t do it. I’d be falling asleep or drifting off in my thoughts. But, something special seems to happen when the mouth is used to read aloud whatever it is that we are trying to focus on in our devotions. It makes it so that not only are our eyes being put to work, but now our ears are as well. So, in other words, we are giving whatever it is that we are trying to read full attention. And, as a side note, if it’s the Bible we are reading, remember that a lot of the Bible was written to be spoken aloud anyway. That was the way it was done during those earlier times.
And, this little tactic not only helps us with our devotions, but it can help us when we are trying to read anything really. I have used this when just trying to rest and enjoy a good book. Like, let’s say after I get home from work I want to read something but my thoughts are stuck on a thing or two from what happened at work. Well, I just start to read whatever it is out loud and sure enough, my mind zeros in on the material. So, this can be done for our hobby time, or done if we need to read something for church, work, or even school. In fact, back when I was in college, I used to read my material out loud, record it, and then I had it to play it back like while I was driving to school. I know; that’s getting pretty into it. But I think it definitely could be beneficial to someone.
Happiness Point #113: Do Not Spend Money You Don’t Have
I remember some years ago I walked into the bank to get some cash out to travel on a trip. You know, I wanted to have some cash padding the wallet because you never know when your traveling when you might need it. Not every place you go takes charge cards, and then there is always the Flea Markets and such. Anyway, I had walked into a sister branch that wasn’t where my money was, but that did dealings with my bank and were able to access my account and give me money out of it. So, the bank teller wasn’t familiar with me, and I remember when she pulled up my account, she was really surprised by the amount of money I had in there. And I can recall thinking, “It’s really not that much money.” But the way she acted toward me as she was getting my cash ready made me briefly concerned she was going to ask me on a date! I mean, I thought, how bad is it with people that they don’t save up some cash? Yet, I have found that this seems to be case the more and more I interact with people on a daily basis.
The truth is, a lot of people just simply spend money they don’t have. Yes indeed. I first got a credit card when I was in high school. And I remember, it was probably a year or two, maybe three, after I gotten it that I spent one month during the summer just living it up. I was hanging out with a friend or two and just charging away, not really paying attention to what I was doing. When I got the bill the next month, I realized I had blown $1700 dollars just eating out and having a good time. I thought, “My goodness. I didn’t realize I was going that far.” Yes, things just got totally out of hand, and I wasn’t even realizing this fact. And, needless to say it took me awhile to pay that off. I had to do some money ‘fasting’ if you will to get rid of that debt. And that certainly was no fun.
Nevertheless, at my ripe young age, I learned an important lesson. Watch your spending. A credit card just isn’t a free-for-all. And, I learned, obviously, to not spend more money than I was making, to not spend money that I didn’t actually have. This is because it’s no fun to be in debt. The Bible, particularly in Proverbs, warns us about this time and again. It warns us about managing our money. I mean, if you really want to get technical, isn’t spending money we don’t have a form of stealing? If I really think about it, I would say it definitely could be. Most of us don’t steal, wouldn’t even think of it. So, we need to be careful in thinking about spending money we don’t have.
I do want to clarify here and state that I don’t think it’s wrong to borrow for a house, or for a car, or for something like these things. I mean, I think your intention is to pay back what you owe. What I am talking about is reckless spending—spending that we do not need to do, and yet do it anyway because we want this and that. You see, it’s no fun to be in debt. It’s no fun to have that dark cloud hanging over you. You wouldn’t want a rain storm to permanently move over the area and park for three months straight and just rain, and rain, and rain. And yet, it is like that when we are accumulating debt that we shouldn’t be. We are self-sabotaging, and that will take away our happiness. And, not to mention, it doesn’t make God happy either.
Happiness Point #114: Always Have at Least a Six Month Reserve
I think it goes without saying that God wants us to be responsible when it comes to our finances. I mean, we really never know when money is going to get tight, when an unexpected expense, or series of expenses, are going to be come our way. Cars can break down, pets can get sick, trees can fall, water lines can rupture. All kinds of things can happen that take away money. It’s like King Solomon said that time and chance happen to everyone. No one is exempt from the normal, everyday flow of life, and that includes things that we don’t want to happen at times. In light of all of that, it seems to me like it’s a wise practice to have some money set aside for a rainy time.
Personally, I like to have at least six months of my pay stored in the bank. The logic behind that is if I were to lose my job, I would have at least six months before I would need to get another job. Six months can be a long time. It can allow enough time to figure out what to do, or land another job, without being in a hurry and perhaps settling for something you don’t want. Like I said, no matter how good one’s job is going, you never know what is going to happen. It could be that things are going fine one day and then you find out the next that your company is shutting down your department, or laying people off and you happen to be one of those people. Having that six months in the bank then buys you time.
Remember, Jesus talked about being wise in the Parable of the Ten Virgins. Recall, in that parable five of the virgins took extra oil with them and five of them did not. When the bridegroom was delayed, the five who did not take extra oil were out of business. They weren’t considered the wise ones. Well, in looking at this logic, we can see that we should also be good when it comes to how we handle our money. We don’t want to be found to be in trouble because we didn’t save any money up for an unexpected turn of events. We certainly don’t want to have faith in our money instead of God, but we also don’t want to be unwise. So, I think knowing we have at least six months pay in the bank increases our happiness. It makes it so that there is not a constant cloud of stress lingering in the background over fear of what might happen.
Happiness Point #115: Unnecessary Dependency Leads to Despair
One thing that needs to be understood, and is understood by many, is that unnecessary dependency takes away happiness. This is why people move away when college is over, or even a few years later. It’s no fun to be dependent when you don’t need to be. It creates the feeling that perhaps one is not as successful as they should be. It creates the feeling that one is not carrying one’s own load. I think there is a small sense of shame behind it that is often covered up. The truth is, when people are dependent it makes them not feel good about themselves. And while it might be more economically friendly, it probably won’t be that psychologically friendly to one’s mind. That being the case, perhaps being happier and freer is more important than the money one might save.
The longer the dependency goes, the more debilitating it can be to how a person feels. The Apostle Paul talked about this in the New Testament, in that he said a person should not be dependent on anyone. The problem with dependency is that it can lead to despair. That is, the longer one goes in the dependent world, the more one will lose hope of a better future. That’s not good because that feeling over a long period of time could lead someone to not want to continue to live. That’s a very bad place to be in. So, I think it would be better for a person to be not dependent and live by themselves (even if they have less money), and still yet have the sense of hope and success within themselves.
Let’s stop and think about it. I’m going to get a little tuff here, and remember, I’m talking about people here who don’t have to be dependent. How could a person who is, say, 40 years old and still living at home feel happy about their state of life? I just don’t see it. And, I think there are a few people out there who need to hear this message. It would be better for a person to take responsibility for themselves than have bad thoughts flowing through their minds. A person doesn’t have to be married either to be one their own. Even if one’s parents don’t mind the person staying at home, that’s not that point. True happiness can only be present when one is responsible for themselves, for their way of living. And sometimes that means making a big change.
Happiness Point #116: People are Focused Primarily on Themselves
This happiness point may seem negative at first glance. But what we need to realize here is that this is a simple truth of life. It’s true with just about everyone in fact. Most people I’ve ever known generally are focused on themselves first. I mean, it’s only natural for one to be that way. Why am I bringing this up? Well, I’m bringing it because in understanding this point, we can save ourselves a lot of stress in the long run. When you understand that people are thinking mostly about themselves, this means a few different things.
First, it means that you are not the center of everyone’s attention like you may think you are. That will be disheartening to some, but really this is an encouraging thing. It means that people aren’t standing around and thinking about us all the time. Most of the time, people are not. They are thinking about themselves. They are thinking about what is going on in their lives, what they are doing, where they are going to go. To understand this, just stop and think about what you think about. I mean, aren’t you doing this? How much do you think about what others are doing versus what you are doing? I would venture to guess you are thinking about what you are doing most of the time, right? Well, so it is with everyone else.
This understanding can also come in handy when we are talking with others. If we know that people are primarily thinking about themselves, this means that they aren’t usually judging us even when they are talking to us. They are wondering how they are coming across to you, not how you are coming across them. Isn’t that what you are thinking about a lot of the time? You’re thinking, “How is this person perceiving me?” Well, we can safely guess that they are thinking about the same kinds of things. It also means that if we gear the conversation in such a way so that we get a person to talk about themselves, they can do more legwork of the talking if we want them to. That’s all we need to do—get people to talk about themselves.
Thirdly, we can note that because people are primarily focused on themselves, this is why people might not help us or give us as much attention as we think they should. If we believe that we ourselves are the true center of attention we are going to be in for a lot of disappointments. Since people are so focused on their own stuff, this means that when they don’t take time to help us with something or even to complement us, it’s probably because they were so focused on themselves that they didn’t even think to do what we desired them to do. In other words, it wasn’t personal. It’s just that ‘we’ were not their focus. Think about it. Certainly there have been times you didn’t help or compliment a person and it was probably because you weren’t even thinking in that direction.
- Daniel Litton
Happiness Point #110: Tomorrow You’ll Feel Like It
I think we’ve all had the feeling say, on the afternoon before we are to return to work, that feeling where we think, “I really don’t want to go back to work tomorrow.” Yes, even though we still have much of our day off left, we are already looking into tomorrow. This is problematic for a couple of reasons. First, Jesus told us we aren’t supposed to be worrying about the troubles of tomorrow. So, when we are thinking like this, we aren’t being true to what he taught us in Matthew 6. Second, this is bad because it is assuming that when tomorrow morning comes, we won’t feel like going into work. However, we all know that usually when that time comes, we do indeed feel like working.
Why is it so that the mind lies to us, tries to get us to think that we won’t feel like doing something when we really will? Well, I think it’s a difference in the fluctuation of our happiness level. I mean, when we are on our day off, we are at a higher happiness level typically than when we are about to go into work. We want that higher level to continue. But, the mind tries to convince us that tomorrow morning we will have no happiness at all—that all the happiness will be gone when we wake up. However, we know that’s not the case when tomorrow comes. Nevertheless, there is still that temptation to buy into the lie every week that our brains tell us this.
The beautiful thing is, is that when our minds start to try to start up this conversation, we can remind ourselves that it isn’t telling the truth. We can remember that, even they we may not feel like we want to go to work tomorrow, that when tomorrow comes, we then will in fact feel like it. God gives us his grace one day at a time. We have what we need for today, and not yet for tomorrow. That’s why when we wake up tomorrow morning, we will suddenly have the energy to go about that day. But right now, we don’t have it. So it is futile to even try to think about tomorrow with our energy that is supposed to be used for thinking about today.
Happiness Point #111: It’s a Good Sign When Others Have What We Want
As we go about our lives, we are going to notice that others have a lot of nice things. Some of these things are actually what we would like in our own lives. Sometimes people can even be threatened by seeing others who have the things they want, but yet don’t have. There can be the prevailing belief that because others have it, that means they cannot. There can be a self-pity that sets in where people feel that they will never have what they want. They can say to themselves, “Everyone else has what they want, but I do not. I’ll never have what I want.” So, everyone else is seen as happy, living in a perfect world. And yet, they see themselves as not only lacking in what they want, but also not even able to obtain it.
Let’s consider this position. I mean, think about it. The truth is, we are all human. We all share that in common. And generally, we are comparing ourselves with people who are similar to us. If that is the case, then what makes others think they cannot have what others’ have? It’s actually the opposite. The mere fact that others have achieved good things, that means we can in fact achieve good things. That can go for making some kind of purchase, of getting some kind of job, or even perhaps getting married someday. It’s not that others are special and others are not. Seeing others’ good accomplishments should be an indicator that we are capable of good accomplishments ourselves in the future. It should not be the opposite.
So, remember that the success of others is a good indicator that we ourselves can succeed. It could be that we lack in a certain area of what we are doing to accomplish our goal, and we may need to make improvements or adjustments in trying to seek it. Like for instance, if you’re looking for a mate, are you putting yourself in places where that is more likely to happen? Or, it could be that we just need to be more patient and wait things out until opportunity is on our side. But, the mere fact that others have had success in areas we want to have success in means that we too can have success. It’s not an indicator that we can’t, but that we can. They too are human with flaws just like we are. Let this realization increase your happiness anytime you're feeling down and out about the success of others.
And, one more thing on this subject. The best thing to do is to take this one step further in that you feel happy for others who have already obtained what you desire to obtain. Instead of hanging your head or getting jealous, you can do the opposite. Embracing what others have and being happy about that can indeed make us happier. This is because we are no longer seeing the fact that they have what we want as a threat, but rather we are seeing it as 1) something good, and 2) something we also can have in the future. When you’re on social media then and you see that picture of the engagement ring or pictures from somebody’s wedding, don’t pass over them and get upset. Rather, hit that like button and leave a friendly comment, congratulating them genuinely on their new accomplishment. Remember, someday someone will be doing that for you.
Happiness Point #112: Read Your Devotions Out Loud
Sometimes when we wake up in the morning, we are either too tired to focus on our devotional time that we need to do, or we are in fact unable to focus our thoughts because we thinking about other things, like an ongoing problem, the upcoming day, or some random thing someone did against us. Well, there is one thing we can do that I have found to be particularly handy when we are having trouble focusing on our devotional time. And what that is is simply to put our mouths to work. What do you mean by that—putting our mouths to work? Well, simply, we can just read out loud whatever it is that we are wanting to go over. This kind of forces focus for us if you will.
I don’t know how many times this tactic has worked for me, and it has truly been such a beneficial and simple thing that I’ve been implementing. There are so many times that I’ve tried to read and just couldn’t do it. I’d be falling asleep or drifting off in my thoughts. But, something special seems to happen when the mouth is used to read aloud whatever it is that we are trying to focus on in our devotions. It makes it so that not only are our eyes being put to work, but now our ears are as well. So, in other words, we are giving whatever it is that we are trying to read full attention. And, as a side note, if it’s the Bible we are reading, remember that a lot of the Bible was written to be spoken aloud anyway. That was the way it was done during those earlier times.
And, this little tactic not only helps us with our devotions, but it can help us when we are trying to read anything really. I have used this when just trying to rest and enjoy a good book. Like, let’s say after I get home from work I want to read something but my thoughts are stuck on a thing or two from what happened at work. Well, I just start to read whatever it is out loud and sure enough, my mind zeros in on the material. So, this can be done for our hobby time, or done if we need to read something for church, work, or even school. In fact, back when I was in college, I used to read my material out loud, record it, and then I had it to play it back like while I was driving to school. I know; that’s getting pretty into it. But I think it definitely could be beneficial to someone.
Happiness Point #113: Do Not Spend Money You Don’t Have
I remember some years ago I walked into the bank to get some cash out to travel on a trip. You know, I wanted to have some cash padding the wallet because you never know when your traveling when you might need it. Not every place you go takes charge cards, and then there is always the Flea Markets and such. Anyway, I had walked into a sister branch that wasn’t where my money was, but that did dealings with my bank and were able to access my account and give me money out of it. So, the bank teller wasn’t familiar with me, and I remember when she pulled up my account, she was really surprised by the amount of money I had in there. And I can recall thinking, “It’s really not that much money.” But the way she acted toward me as she was getting my cash ready made me briefly concerned she was going to ask me on a date! I mean, I thought, how bad is it with people that they don’t save up some cash? Yet, I have found that this seems to be case the more and more I interact with people on a daily basis.
The truth is, a lot of people just simply spend money they don’t have. Yes indeed. I first got a credit card when I was in high school. And I remember, it was probably a year or two, maybe three, after I gotten it that I spent one month during the summer just living it up. I was hanging out with a friend or two and just charging away, not really paying attention to what I was doing. When I got the bill the next month, I realized I had blown $1700 dollars just eating out and having a good time. I thought, “My goodness. I didn’t realize I was going that far.” Yes, things just got totally out of hand, and I wasn’t even realizing this fact. And, needless to say it took me awhile to pay that off. I had to do some money ‘fasting’ if you will to get rid of that debt. And that certainly was no fun.
Nevertheless, at my ripe young age, I learned an important lesson. Watch your spending. A credit card just isn’t a free-for-all. And, I learned, obviously, to not spend more money than I was making, to not spend money that I didn’t actually have. This is because it’s no fun to be in debt. The Bible, particularly in Proverbs, warns us about this time and again. It warns us about managing our money. I mean, if you really want to get technical, isn’t spending money we don’t have a form of stealing? If I really think about it, I would say it definitely could be. Most of us don’t steal, wouldn’t even think of it. So, we need to be careful in thinking about spending money we don’t have.
I do want to clarify here and state that I don’t think it’s wrong to borrow for a house, or for a car, or for something like these things. I mean, I think your intention is to pay back what you owe. What I am talking about is reckless spending—spending that we do not need to do, and yet do it anyway because we want this and that. You see, it’s no fun to be in debt. It’s no fun to have that dark cloud hanging over you. You wouldn’t want a rain storm to permanently move over the area and park for three months straight and just rain, and rain, and rain. And yet, it is like that when we are accumulating debt that we shouldn’t be. We are self-sabotaging, and that will take away our happiness. And, not to mention, it doesn’t make God happy either.
Happiness Point #114: Always Have at Least a Six Month Reserve
I think it goes without saying that God wants us to be responsible when it comes to our finances. I mean, we really never know when money is going to get tight, when an unexpected expense, or series of expenses, are going to be come our way. Cars can break down, pets can get sick, trees can fall, water lines can rupture. All kinds of things can happen that take away money. It’s like King Solomon said that time and chance happen to everyone. No one is exempt from the normal, everyday flow of life, and that includes things that we don’t want to happen at times. In light of all of that, it seems to me like it’s a wise practice to have some money set aside for a rainy time.
Personally, I like to have at least six months of my pay stored in the bank. The logic behind that is if I were to lose my job, I would have at least six months before I would need to get another job. Six months can be a long time. It can allow enough time to figure out what to do, or land another job, without being in a hurry and perhaps settling for something you don’t want. Like I said, no matter how good one’s job is going, you never know what is going to happen. It could be that things are going fine one day and then you find out the next that your company is shutting down your department, or laying people off and you happen to be one of those people. Having that six months in the bank then buys you time.
Remember, Jesus talked about being wise in the Parable of the Ten Virgins. Recall, in that parable five of the virgins took extra oil with them and five of them did not. When the bridegroom was delayed, the five who did not take extra oil were out of business. They weren’t considered the wise ones. Well, in looking at this logic, we can see that we should also be good when it comes to how we handle our money. We don’t want to be found to be in trouble because we didn’t save any money up for an unexpected turn of events. We certainly don’t want to have faith in our money instead of God, but we also don’t want to be unwise. So, I think knowing we have at least six months pay in the bank increases our happiness. It makes it so that there is not a constant cloud of stress lingering in the background over fear of what might happen.
Happiness Point #115: Unnecessary Dependency Leads to Despair
One thing that needs to be understood, and is understood by many, is that unnecessary dependency takes away happiness. This is why people move away when college is over, or even a few years later. It’s no fun to be dependent when you don’t need to be. It creates the feeling that perhaps one is not as successful as they should be. It creates the feeling that one is not carrying one’s own load. I think there is a small sense of shame behind it that is often covered up. The truth is, when people are dependent it makes them not feel good about themselves. And while it might be more economically friendly, it probably won’t be that psychologically friendly to one’s mind. That being the case, perhaps being happier and freer is more important than the money one might save.
The longer the dependency goes, the more debilitating it can be to how a person feels. The Apostle Paul talked about this in the New Testament, in that he said a person should not be dependent on anyone. The problem with dependency is that it can lead to despair. That is, the longer one goes in the dependent world, the more one will lose hope of a better future. That’s not good because that feeling over a long period of time could lead someone to not want to continue to live. That’s a very bad place to be in. So, I think it would be better for a person to be not dependent and live by themselves (even if they have less money), and still yet have the sense of hope and success within themselves.
Let’s stop and think about it. I’m going to get a little tuff here, and remember, I’m talking about people here who don’t have to be dependent. How could a person who is, say, 40 years old and still living at home feel happy about their state of life? I just don’t see it. And, I think there are a few people out there who need to hear this message. It would be better for a person to take responsibility for themselves than have bad thoughts flowing through their minds. A person doesn’t have to be married either to be one their own. Even if one’s parents don’t mind the person staying at home, that’s not that point. True happiness can only be present when one is responsible for themselves, for their way of living. And sometimes that means making a big change.
Happiness Point #116: People are Focused Primarily on Themselves
This happiness point may seem negative at first glance. But what we need to realize here is that this is a simple truth of life. It’s true with just about everyone in fact. Most people I’ve ever known generally are focused on themselves first. I mean, it’s only natural for one to be that way. Why am I bringing this up? Well, I’m bringing it because in understanding this point, we can save ourselves a lot of stress in the long run. When you understand that people are thinking mostly about themselves, this means a few different things.
First, it means that you are not the center of everyone’s attention like you may think you are. That will be disheartening to some, but really this is an encouraging thing. It means that people aren’t standing around and thinking about us all the time. Most of the time, people are not. They are thinking about themselves. They are thinking about what is going on in their lives, what they are doing, where they are going to go. To understand this, just stop and think about what you think about. I mean, aren’t you doing this? How much do you think about what others are doing versus what you are doing? I would venture to guess you are thinking about what you are doing most of the time, right? Well, so it is with everyone else.
This understanding can also come in handy when we are talking with others. If we know that people are primarily thinking about themselves, this means that they aren’t usually judging us even when they are talking to us. They are wondering how they are coming across to you, not how you are coming across them. Isn’t that what you are thinking about a lot of the time? You’re thinking, “How is this person perceiving me?” Well, we can safely guess that they are thinking about the same kinds of things. It also means that if we gear the conversation in such a way so that we get a person to talk about themselves, they can do more legwork of the talking if we want them to. That’s all we need to do—get people to talk about themselves.
Thirdly, we can note that because people are primarily focused on themselves, this is why people might not help us or give us as much attention as we think they should. If we believe that we ourselves are the true center of attention we are going to be in for a lot of disappointments. Since people are so focused on their own stuff, this means that when they don’t take time to help us with something or even to complement us, it’s probably because they were so focused on themselves that they didn’t even think to do what we desired them to do. In other words, it wasn’t personal. It’s just that ‘we’ were not their focus. Think about it. Certainly there have been times you didn’t help or compliment a person and it was probably because you weren’t even thinking in that direction.
- Daniel Litton